stuff.

I haven't written on here in a while, and I've realized that my day is much better when I get things off my chest. Since I don't think anyone actually reads this... I can vent to my internet. hah...

Earlier today I came across an old friend's blog. I wish I didn't have to say she was an old friend... but we aren't exactly friends anymore I don't think. Just friendly.
It made me think. A lot.
It made me think about change. It made me think about how many changes that I've gone through since the year 2008.
I lost an amazing friendship. Probably the best. And the majority of that was my fault.
I changed, I started hanging out with a lot of people i shouldn't have hung out with, and I lied to her. I lied. And she let me lie. She always knew that I was lying. I don't know how she wouldn't have known.
When senior year started in '09, I started hanging out with yet another different group of friends, and I'm still really good friends with all of those people. They're great friends. I stopped getting into trouble, and I stopped doing those things that I knew I shouldn't be doing. I had a great senior year with some great friends.

I'm not sure exactly where i was going with that except to say that no matter what friends I've made since I ruined my friendship with my best friend... no one has ever taken her place. And no one ever will. Cliche sounding? probably. but it's truth.

For that last couple months I've been thinking about this a lot. I miss her. I want to call her and maybe go to lunch or dinner. something. I want her to know that I'm sorry for lying to her. I'm sorry for everything I did.

But then I start to doubt myself. Have I waited too long? What would she possibly have to say to me?
When we see each other, we don't say much. A lot of stuff can happen in just a couple years. A lot of time can go by in what seems like just a few days.

Maybe the reason why God has put this on my heart is because it IS time for me to reach out to her. Maybe we were supposed to wait for this until we settled down and let the drama pass.

I guess I won't know unless I just do it.

Well... it's lunch time for pre-k. Looks like this post has come to an end.