life and things

sometimes i feel as if i'm getting way ahead of myself. i find myself longing for my own place to live, a husband, a kid or two, a dog...
i know that i'm nowhere near ready to take on the responsibilities that come with these things, but i just really want a life of my own. i want to sit down at a dinner table and eat dinner with my very own family for once. i want to tuck in my children every night, read them stories, say a goodnight prayer with them, and kiss their foreheads. i want to crawl in bed every night with my husband and talk about our days and love and be loved by the most amazing man in the world.
is it weird to want these things so badly when i'm only 18 years old? probably...
i guess the reason i want these things so badly is because i never had that kind of life. not saying my parents and family are horrible. i love them very much and i'm blessed to have them. i just had an unusual childhood.
i was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about school and life and majors and stuff. we are kind of in the same boat in that we want to be stay at home moms. not because we're lazy and just don't want to get our college degrees... but that's just what we feel we'd be best at. what we were meant to do. well anyways... i'm going to school to become an elementary school teacher because i love kids so much and i know that when i do have an amazing family of my own someday, it'll be the perfect job.

i just wish i didn't have to wait so long and go through so much schooling for it. i guess that when i do finally get my happy ending it'll all be well worth the long wait and hard work.

on another note, i got paid today. i needed it badly. i only had 10 dollars in my bank account.
also, i officially applied for centri-kid and got an interview!!! it's on october 29th and it's on skype which is kind of weird. but i am hoping and praying that it will go well and i know that if it is God's will, i'll get the job.

i'm starting to listen to music that i haven't listened to in a long time. it's bringing back SO many memories. man oh man. isn't it weird how music does that? you hear a song and you're instantly in a different place. for instance, this is kind of an embarrassing example, but the song "sexyback", by justin timberlake, reminds me of a friday night during sophomore year when i had just picked up my best friend darlene from the airport with her aunt debbie. dar was moving back to california and we drove from the airport to running springs (big bear) to pick up her cousin kristen who was one of my best friends as well. anyways, we blared the song on the way back down the mountain from kristens house. the windows were down and the air was freezing cold but we didn't care. we were so happy to all be together again. that night was so great.

well you get the point. old songs = vivid memories.

i think that's enough for tonight. i'm sleepy and i have class tomorrow.

goodnight. i love you, whoever you are. <3